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Look, I haven’t just SAID more offensive things than you ever will, I’ve also stitched them into beautiful samplers and hung them on the wall.
Work Wife’s brother made it his goal to offend me at the wedding last Friday night. He did not succeed. 

In which I regress 38 years

  • Me:

    HIC

  • Jim:

    You ok?

  • Me:

    Yeah, I just got the HIC-

  • Jim:

    BOO!!!!!!!!!

  • Me:

    *jumps a foot, looks at Jim in terror, suddenly becomes a three year old*

  • Me:

    I don't like that!

  • Jim:

    Oh god. Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I was just...

  • Me:

    Why did you do that?

  • Jim:

    I was trying to get rid of your hiccups. I'm so sorry.

  • Me:

    I think it worked. But I don't like that.

  • Jim:

    I will never do that again.

  • Me:

    Okay. *pause* Oh god. Was I a three year old just then? I was, wasn't I?

  • Jim:

    Maybe? I think, yeah, maybe.

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