What should I say to the guy who drove past me in the grocery store in the 1988 Lincoln Town car while blasting "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins and checking his bald-up-front-so-ponytail-in-back hair-don't in the rear view mirror?
Tell him “GET OUT OF THE GROCERY STORE WITH YOUR CAR, ASSHOLE! That shit is dangerous!”
“At one point he wandered over to the next table to give a back massage to his friend, author and Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, who was dining with indie rockers Aimee Mann and John Roderick. Hodgman introduced himself as Hamm’s ‘personal trainer’ and insisted that the Mad Men star wear a full tuxedo for their workout later that day. ‘No problem,’ Hamm responded without cracking a smile.”—Playboy Interview « Jon Hamm Source. Jesus H! Roderick wasn’t making it up. (via merlin)
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful princess in a beautiful castlein a beautiful city. On the eve of her 21st birthday, she was presented with a golden boner, for it was the custom in that land for princesses to receive golden boners on the eves of their 21st birthdays. The princess was thrilled by this gift and left the birthday banquet as swiftly as manners would allow to be alone with her golden boner. Something something beautiful golden boner. Fin.
There once was a girl who took excellent care of her teeth. Every day, flossing, brushing, rinsing. One day, her insurance changed, &the new dentist was a flaming asshole, so the girl stopped going. But she kept up her teeth really well. Then one day, her insurance switched again, &she was able to go to her first dentist. Hooray! But because she had neglected to go to the asshole dentist, she didn't know that a cavity had started up on a molar. Boo! But the old dentist made it all better. Yay!
When Hans Christian Andersen was a little tiny child, he was taken by his parents to see the procession of their beloved King Frederick VI in public. Hoisted on his father's shoulders, little Hans was disgusted to see that the monarch he'd heard so much about was no divine being, but flesh and blood; and in his irritation he cried "Why, he's nothing more than a human being!". This incident later became the subject of a bestselling story; proving that disappointment can sometimes be a blessing.
That is a wise statement. If you always get what you want and things are always how you expect them to be that would probably be pretty boring.