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Embarrassing story because Bridget made me.


I tried to send this to Bridget for her embarrassing/sex story collection, because this totally fits both, but it was too big for her box (HEH HEH) so I’m just going to put it here.

The aforementioned stack of nudie magazines that had lived under the basement stairs and gave me my first glimpse of nekkid people? We had a garage sale when I was about 12 and for some reason my dad thought he should sell them.  It was like a medium U-Haul sized box, so it was a pretty substantial collection, but he closed up the box and discreetly slid it under a table with “for sale” scrawled on the front of the box, thinking my brother and I didn’t know what was in there (HINT WE DID). We had all taken a break to go in for bologna sandwiches for lunch and we heard a car pull up. I volunteered to see if they needed any help, and it was some old-ish guy (50 maybe?) and instead of asking to see my dad or whomever, he just started talking to me (CREEP). He was standing in the garage and I asked him through the screen door, still holding my sandwich, if he needed any help. He said, “This is quite a collection you have here.  Who’s is it?” I, being TWELVE, thought he meant what was on top of the table, which was a bunch of old dolls and blocks and other kid shit. So I says to him I says, “Mine.” He raised his eyebrows and said, “YOURS?!?” To which I replied, “Well, mine and my brother’s.” He stood there for a minute and just looked at me and kicked the box and went, “Uh…” I dropped my sandwich and my jaw, turned red and ran into the house, past my dad and into my room while I mumbled, “He wants to talk to you.” We never spoke of that moment.

Marry me.

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  1. beefranck reblogged this from filenotfoundwebsitenotfound and added:
    Marry me.
  2. filenotfoundwebsitenotfound posted this
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